I'm not like them, but I can pretend

Hi there. i'm so upset right now that i can't even truly express my sorrow. there tears wont' stop flowing now even as i sit here typing this. my mother's best friend is dying. she is in the hospital on a ventilator and a feeding tube. she was diagnosed with lung cancer, brain leisons, and spots on her liver a little over a month ago. fluid developed around her heart and she developed an infection. she has been my second mother since i was born. always the the first face (after my parents of course) that i saw after my surgeries and the one who spent countless afternoons raising my brother and i when my mother was working and my dad stopped paying. she was at every birthday, every graduation, every christaning, and every funeral. the one who held me when my mother coudln't find the strength. my life would not have been the same if she hadn't been in it and as much as i would love for her to stay in it, i must pray for the Lord to take her and end her suffering. a shooting star is one of the most amazing things to witness, but like most great things they burn out way before any of the other stars and way before the person veiwing it can truly appreciate it. i will miss her soo greatly that it hurts just to think about it. she's not gone yet but i think it's starting to hit me now, that this is it. God wants her back for reasons unknown to us. i just wish there was a way to take away all of the pain that goes with it. the feeling of being powerless is almost as horrible as watching someone you love so much suffer so greatly. yes i am hurting but i'm hurting much more for my mother, Cindy's husband, and her five boys. if i hurt this much, i can't imagine the pain her husband and sons are going through. seeing my mother's pain everyday as she's losing not only her best friend of more than thirty years, but her partner in crime, her gossip buddy, and her sister. one of the most strong willed people i have ever met and probably ever will meet. i just feel so helpless right now and i just can't stop these tears from coming. i have no liquid tears left but i now cry tears comprised of my heart and soul. a soul that she helped feed and nourish. and who had a very big role in making me the person i am today. so to her i say now, as hard as it is, Aunt Cindy you will be missed soo greatly and nothing can every replace the void you leave in all of our lives, but if God wants you to go, and you want to be with Him. then go, we will live on with you in our memory and our hearts. that memory will keep us going until we meet you again at the gates of heaven........ and we all love you very much

"An Irish Blessing"

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sunshine warm your face
May the rain fall soft upon your fields
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand

I love you