I'm not like them, but I can pretend

Hey there all. well things have been kinda boring and sucky the past few days. i'm working full time now and i'm exhausted cuz i work eight hours and then i come home to my mom either bitching at me or telling me to do something that she should have done while i was at work. dragging me to her softball practices which i don't mind helping out at but she asks for my advice, and then underminds me when i start showing the girls what to do. then she just sits there and makes me chase the damn balls the whole practice. i'm just tired and all i want to do is sleep. but i can't do that, she tells me to get my lazy ass out of bed. well jeez i'm sorry i actually have a job and i don't get home until 2:30 in the morning. she sits on her ass all day long and then complains about how nothing ever gets done. she doesn't work and now that michael's in kindergarten, he's in school all day. the girls are in elementary school so there's no one in the house for six hours. how the fuck do u get nothing done in six hours? and then when we say that to her, she says "you have no idea what i do all day" actually mom i do. before i started working i sat home w/ u. u wanna know what u do? you sit on the fucking couch, talk on the phone and watch TV. and then when the kids come home, ur too busy to cook dinner and there's no food in the house cuz you were "sooo busy today" so forgive me if i have no pity on you.

wow i don't really know where that came from. i guess i was pissed off. lol. i guess i just let too many things build up inside of me and then i just need to explode somewhere which unfortunately for those of you who read this, is on here most of the time. eh, it's gotta go somewhere right?

Today after work, my dad and i went to finish helping my sister and her boyfriend move into their new house. his brother and nephew were there and his nephew is still very young (just started rolling over). as i was sitting there holding him i looked at him and i thought about how much i want to have kids of my own. i also started thinking about how a parent can just stop loving their child. i mean today we see soo many children who's parents treat them like crap. children who are abandonded, emotionally abused, physically abused, and sexually abused....... and i just don't understand it. how could the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally and never stop no matter what u do, do things like that. just holding John (the baby), i felt love for him...... how could a parent, your own flesh and blood, not give a damn about u or even worse intentionally hurt u, deny they ever did it, say they love you, only to hurt u again when they've gained your trust. people just baffle me. you can have the 18 year old HS drop out who is working at mcdonald's and seemingly a failure in life, give their life for their child out of an undying love. and then you can have a 30 year old Harvard graduate, all american athlete, who graduated at the top of their class and makes more money than most of us know what to do with, who decides it might be fun to use their kids as punching bags or call them worthless pieces of crap who need to mind their own business and stay our of their way............. to tell you the truth, i'd rather be the 18 year old "failure" than the 30 year old "success"

Peace Out