been thinkin a lot about past relationships today.  particularly the family i left behind when i was twelve.  i hate the fact that a conflict between two people can ruin the relationships of everyone around them.  people take sides, say shit that they truly don't mean, and people give up on it.  i know that they all love me, they may be a little disappointed in the decision i made 8 years ago, but i do believe they all still love me and think about me just as i do about them. 

i want that relationship back.  i know it'll never be what it once was, but i believe that we can have some sort of relationship if we put what happened to rest and try our best to move on.  i do not blame them for their decisions to support their son, brother, uncle.  i just wish that we hadn't gotten dragged into a fight that wasn't ours.  myself, my siblings, and his family had nothing to do whith any of it.  it was a fight between my parents.  i know that us becoming involved was inevitable especially in such a heated situation.  one filled with lies and down talk that made me feel like all civilization was doomed.  if my parents who were once in love, couldn't stop bad mouthing eachother long enough to see that they were destroying all of the good memories we had of them, as well as the relationships of the people we grew up loving then, i didn't think anyone could. 

it is a very sad situation that occurs everyday.  that's too often by my standards.  although it is nearly impossible to avoid, a twelve year old should not have to choose between their father and their mother, seeing their grandparents, aunts and uncles, or being hit for no reason.  just as a grandparent should not have to choose between their child and their grandchild, and aunts and uncles should not have to choose between a brother and their neices and nephew.  it's not fair, but it happens.  what really makes me sad is the fact that the story they know, isn't what really happened.  they think my siblings and i are lying about everything.  i have never lied to them about anything, i would never do that.  everything that we said in court really did happen, but because of what he told them, they call us liers.  it's not their fault, they simply trust their son/brother, but that doesn't make it hurt any less that the people u trust with ur life, don't trust u back. 

i'm going to go try and work on those relationships now.  it's gonna be tough i think, but in the end, well worth it.  even if they don't accept my offer to try and mend things, i know that giving them that option is the right thing to do.  i will not sit by and let my fear of rejection get in the way of the chance to share my life with people who meant the world to me from the start.  we are all gettin older now and i can't take a chance on God deciding to take them or me back before i get to say what needs to be said........

Peace Out