what gave you the right to take away everything i ever wanted, everything i ever needed in a family?  who are you to target the weak.  did you like it when it was happening to you?  did you honestly think this would stay hidden forever?  did it make you feel like a man to take advantage of a child.  being "sick" is not an excuse.  you knew what you were doing.  you had everything and you ruined it.  you had everything people work their whole lives to acheive and most still don't end up with it.  a wife who loved you, children who adored you, a community that respected you, a comfortable home in a nice neighborhood, a well-paying job,  a green lawn, a white pickett fence, a dog in the back yard, ten minutes from the beach, two minutes from one of the largest parks in NY, and 45 minutes from the greatest city in the world.  wasn't that enough to make anyone happy?  shouldn't that be enough?  especially for a "christian" like you?  living in humility, not a lot possession wise, but rich in happiness, family, and friends?  what more could you really want?  did ruining my life make your existance seem less unbearable?  did sharing the pain of your childhood with me make you feel powerful? 

you took away my sense of safety, i have no home now.  i never really did.  home was a place of fear and pain.  are you so angry at your own mother that you have to take it out on all women?  you have single handedly ruined the family i took so much pride in being a part of for so many years.  the only good thing that ever came of your existance on this earth, are your children.  it is because of them that i am still alive right now.  it is because of them and only them that i did not end my life and let you win.  their lives will be full of the love and nurture that you were supposed to provide me.  they will never know the monster you really are, and that's only for their sake, not yours.  i would love nothing more than to parade it around the town, that you are a child molester, a sick freak, a Godless, motherless bastard.  but i love them too much to ever put them through that.  everything i went through is worth it if i can keep them safe.

that however, does not absolve you.  you have sparked in me a hate i thought wasn't possible to feel.  a hate i don't even know how to release.  a hate so intense i could never have comprehended its existance unless i was feeling it like i am right now.  it's a hate that i can't even fully let myself feel because it would consume me.  you manipulated myself and everyone i love for your own sick sexual gratification.  did it feel good to do what you did to me?  your own daughter?  blood doesn't matter here.  i've called you dad since i was 8 years old.  i took your name the day i turned 18.  you've known me since i was three. 

did you like touching me like that?  did you like dry fucking me?  did you like the way you felt rubbing against me?  did you like putting things inside me wishing it was your body instead of a fucking hairbrush?  did you really destroy those pictures that you took of me?  or do you have them stocked away somewhere so you can still look at them and get off.  you isolated me, ripped me away from my  mother and my sister.  the only two who could have helped me, you took away from me.  the lies, things you told me they were saying about me.  the things about me you said they hated.  everything was a lie.  you made my life a lie.  the only thing that i can hold to be true are my feelings.  the love i have for my mother, my sisters, and my brothers.  the disdain i hold for you and only you.  what my biological father did to me was bad enough, but not only did you abuse me, you used my prior abuse to fuel my trust in you and to foster your own abuse.  that is something i think even he is beyond.

you are no different from the monster who murdered jessica.  the only difference is that i didn't fight and you didn't strangle me because of it.  oh wait, another big difference, he admitted to what he did.  he didn't claim that he was "sick" and needed help.  he phoned the police and told them where the body was.  jessica died without having been sexually assaulted.  she had the spirit to fight, which is more than i ever had.  when you cried at her funeral, you were spitting in her face.  you are no different than that monster you condemned to hell.  you are worse, you tore apart a family from the inside rather than as a stranger.  you tore out the very fiber of trust.  every single person's ability to trust starts with their family.  if you can't trust them, who can you trust?  you took that away from me.  everyone is my enemy now.  not once, but twice i have been hurt irrepairably by the people who were never supposed to hurt me......... EVER.  i hope you enjoy what's left of your life, now that you've left me to pick up the pieces and try to move on with my own.