I'm not like them, but I can pretend

i really am an asshole. why the fuck do i do this? i can't fuckin deal w/ shit by myself, i gotta bring my friends and family into it. i'm such a fuckin pussy and i make myself sick. all the shit with my father, it's jus depressing yet i tell them anyway. i really don't want them to know that he beat the shit out of me and my brother. how his other daughter threatened to kill me with a fuckin knife. how the worst nights were the ones when he could grab things like metal hangars, belts, chairs, or jus use the stairs if we were close to them. i don't want to dwell on it all cuz they were the scariest and most painful days of my life. but i really wish i could make them understand why i am the way i am. so i tell them. i want them to know why i freak out when i hear the sound of a belt cracking or when i see a child being thrown around in a movie. i just get angry when i can't hear people talking and the reason is because that bastard decided to use my fucking ears a fuckin punching bag. all i want is to be loved. that's all i want. anyone who tells me that ends up either not meaning it or showing it in a really fucked up way that makes me hate them. well now that i've probably shared way too much information w/ complete strangers........ oh wait what am i saying no one would actually read this except for the ppl who already know about it so really, this whole fuckin update was pointless. i guess it did prove my point though.............

Peace Out!!