I'm not like them, but I can pretend

Well i had an interesting night tonight. I was watchin a good movie (I am Sam) which is kinda sad. The interesting part was that i couldn't stop crying. I was just sooo upset over some of my retarted issues that i couldn't stop. Sometimes i really wonder if there's somethin wrong with me. I've been seriously thinkin that somehow what happened in my childhood was my fault. I know it's not but i can't help thinkin that way. I'm soo depressed lately that i really don't wanna be here anymore. I mean our world is sooo fucked up. In the movie, a little girl is taken away from her father Sam just because he is mentally retarted. Yet there are millions of kids that are forced to stay with their parents who really do hurt them. I was one of those kids and it hurts me to see a father who loves his daughter and would do anything for her, not be able to take care of her. He can do a better job than those fuckin alcoholics and drug addicts the court says are fit to raise children just because they have a normal IQ. I just feel like the world has it's priorities all fucked up. I wish my father loved me half as much as Sam loved his daughter. All i ever wanted was to feel like he actually cared if i lived or died. I guess that's too much to ask. I just wonder why God decided i didn't deserve a father who cared about me and didn't hurt me. I mean i have a step-father who loves me like i'm his real daughter but it's not the same. The feeling of being hurt and rejected by your own flesh and blood is the worst feelin in the world. I've stopped caring about the things that used to make me soo happy. I feel so lost and confused about why i'm even here. What is wrong with me. I'm drowning in my own questions and self doubts and i can't breathe anymore.

If anyone reading this can give me some advice, please do. I need all i can get right now. If anyone has a good reason i should even be here, let me know.......