I'm not like them, but I can pretend

i'd much rather have you here than the $16,000, but thank you for looking out for me even after you're gone.  i miss you more than you'll ever realize.  it's been 7 months and it still feels like a dream.  you haven't visited me in awhile, but that's ok.  i know you've got a lot of people to keep you plenty busy.  say hi to gramps for me and hey, just so you know.... the one thing that's been keeping me going is the thought of what would have been.  the last time i saw you at your apartment when we had dinner.  you told me that you wanted to meet my brother and sisters.  that you wanted to go to their games and play catch in the back yard.  you wanted to go to the beach with all of us.  that meant more to me than anything you could have ever done.  they meant something to you because they meant something to me.  i don't think you realize how often i had thought of that over the years, all of us together loving eachother and loving life.  but even if you're not here to physcially share those moments with us.  i promise you that you will be there in spirit and those kids will know that even if their own father is a prick, there was someone there who wanted to be a part of their lives.  and they will know how kind-hearted that man was.  so thank you for that.  even if it is just a memory of a path not travelled.