I just need this

To be alright

I can't feel this

Another night

I can't take this

I come unglued

I might break down

In front of you

Necessary

To medicate

I'm not sleeping

Can't stay awake

Can't see through this

Too much pressure

Drowning in this

Too much pressure

If you need me

I'll be here

Half unconscious

To escape my fear

I can't take this

I come unglued

I will break down

In front of you

Necessary

To medicate

I'm not sleeping

Can't stay awake

Can't see through this

Too much pressure

Drowning in this

Too much pressure

My head hurts

This shit isn't getting me high

My chest is so tight

Am I going to die

My stomach's in knots

And the room starts to spin

As I wait for this valium

To slowly kick in

Can't see through this

Too much pressure

Drowning in this

Too much pressure

~Staind

as much as i've tried, i can't come up with any good reason why these things happened to me.  not one.  it's been a rough couple of days hence why i really haven't been on here much.  really bad flash backs and night mares over the passed week.  i wake up shaking and terrified.  absolutely certain he's in the room with me.  waiting for him to reach out and touch me, corner me, hurt me.  remembering the violation that took place right in my own bed that night.  the living room floor, his bedroom, the bathroom, the hallway, the stairs, the basement, his van in our driveway.  sometimes it's just more than i can take. 

i can feel his hands reach up my shirt and i'm too terrified to say anything.  many times my mother was right in the next room.  all i had to do was yell out, make some kind of noise.  but i couldn't.  at least i knew that as long as my mother was there, it couldn't last that long.  but when she was gone and he knew she'd be gone for awhile, he didn't waste one single second.  what a great time for the lock on your door to be broken.  sometimes i think he broke it himself to make it easier.  it all just feels so close.

pushed up against the wall or leaned over the couch, it didn't matter to him.  his favorite thing to do was just watch.  spread me open and just look, like i was some sick work of art in the freak gallery.  why the hell did i listen?  why didn't i fight back?  i would just lay there, numb, blank, waiting for it to be over.  hour after hour i'd watch the clock and he'd keep going to check the window.  he'd come back, spread my legs to the point of pain and push his way between them.  i still remained silent.  laying on top of me, the weight of a full grown man on a teenager.  rubbing himself against me.  i ran away to the far corners of my mind, distant, yet still aware of what was happening.  i guess you could call it the strongest form of denile.  this is normal, this is ok, i like this, this happens to everyone.  he's doing it because he loves me............... right.   

wait a minute...............

ok, go ahead......... do what you will

I wish i could be like all my heroes

I wish i could be like all yours too

I wish i could sing like otis redding

Wish i could play this guitar in tune

I don't want to be wasted

I don't want to live inside

This daydream anymore

I just want to be happy again

I don't want to be wasted

I don't want to be blind

~Everclear 

the scenes in my head go 'round and 'round

'round and 'round

'round and 'round

the scenes in my head go 'round and 'round

all through the town

hopefully this bus will run out of gas soon, and with prices the way they are, maybe i can find a way to stop the tank from filling up

The crazy man, he laughs at me

Finding humor in all that he sees

And what he hears in silent song

Brings thoughts to boil in a rhythm that's wrong

The crazy man, he talks to me

Through the wires and puppet strings

Dance around! He yells aloud

Isolated voice shouted from a crowd

This crazy man, he speaks to me

Through broken glass and piano keys

Play us a tune, he says in his tone

For all of us here are feeling quite alone

You can't hide us away, try a much as you will

But we'll be here waiting, just waiting until

We're freed for a moment, given briefly a stage

We'll flow from our prison, and ink up a page

With all good intentions

The sanity of the insane

The only twisted beings

To make sense out of pain

The crazy man retreating

As the riot is controlled

But it won't be for very long

That he'll do what he's told

The cackle fades to softness

Colors now too dull to see

I'll be waiting in the silence for

The crazy man who laughs at me

Well the night

It's swirls around me

And the moonlight shines on down

While dogs sing along

In the back yard

In time with the crickets' sound

I can sit

In the corner listening

To the music of the night

But I just can't

Seem to forget

All the years that passed me by

Every joke that made me laugh

Every farewell that made me cry

Are all played back to my ears

By the music of the night

Please don't stop playing.......

The sound of

Wind through the trees

And the water running in the stream

In rhythm

With the owl's call

And a deer running through the street

It's taken years

To realize

That life is too short to leave

The books

Unread, unwritten

Just because we won't believe

Every joke that made me laugh

Every farewell that made me cry

Are all played back to my ears

By the music of the night

And if the years

Have taught me nothing

Well I guess that would be a lie

Because I believe

That something's

Are too precious to ever let die

So I'll sit

In the corner listening

To the music of the night

And remember

What I've let go

That I will eventually find

My bad dreams just don't seem the same

Baby without you

I wish you willing to accept the blame

For all the shitty things you do

Nightmares just don't scare me now

Baby without you

I wish that I could find the words to tell

You to politely go fuck yourself

Yeah now that it's over

~Everclear

i love this song lol.

And if the damn breaks open

Many years too soon

And if there is no room

Upon the hill

And if your head explodes

With dark forebodings too

I'll see you on the dark side of the moon

i think this is my favorite pink floyd song..........

"there's someone in my head but it's not me"